No matter what
There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you, let them walk. I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. When people can walk away from you, LET THEM WALK. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.
People leave you because they are not joined to you. And, if they are not joined to you, you can’t make them stay. Let them go. And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person, it just means that their part in the story is over. And you’ve got to know when people’s part in your story is over, so that you don’t keep trying to raise the dead.
I first saw the above quote when Elizabeth Gilbert posted it on her Facebook page. Pretty sure I said, OOOOH…. out loud. It stopped me in my tracks.
I have been left behind a lot in life, by all different kinds of people, in all different kinds of relationships, for all different kinds of reasons. I’m sure we all have.
Less frequently, I have done the leaving.
I have been walked away from and I have been the one to walk away. And that’s okay. It is never easy for me to be at either end of that equation. It never feels good, and I don’t know that until fairly recently I have ever handled it particularly gracefully.
I was the one who asked my husband to move out, yet the day he actually left I sat on the floor of our family room and wept like a child as he walked out and got in the car. I sobbed as he pulled out of the driveway.
Being shown that you are expendable is terribly painful, but it is great information.
It didn’t feel that way at the time. It felt like the end of the world. I felt unloved, and worthless, and as though the whole life we’d built together meant nothing. That I wasn’t worth fighting for. I was being thrown away, and that is a devastating feeling. It nearly shattered me.
I know many of you are IN IT right now. You’ve messaged me, and emailed me- told me your stories. You can’t see it right now- I know that, believe me- but the leaving is a gift. I know it doesn’t feel that way. Some gifts suck.
I will never forget the day he left- that feeling. It’s probably the loneliest I have ever felt. It was awful. And also, one of the best days of my life. And probably his, as well.
I’m glad he showed me that he could walk away.
We could have spent our whole lives together, settling for something that wasn’t filling either of us up. Where neither of us felt seen, or appreciated for who we are deep down. I don’t wish the kind of pain I felt that day on anyone, but if I had it to do over again I would get back down on that floor and watch him pull away.
It would still hurt. It would still be a loss, and you need to mourn that loss- but you deserve to be with someone for whom the thought of leaving is unimaginable. Who will fight for your relationship, even when it’s hard. Even when you aren’t at your best. Even when you both make mistakes. You deserve someone who loves you- love the VERB, no matter what.
You deserve a NO MATTER WHAT relationship.
Sometimes a love story is just a passage or a chapter in the book of your life, and sometimes it’s the whole novel. Some loves stories cannot be sustained throughout a lifetime. They run out of fuel, they collapse in on themselves like a star dying. Haven’t you ever read a passage in a book that was so heartbreakingly beautiful, that when it was over you mourned it? You wanted it to go on for longer? Sometimes the beauty is in the brevity, friends.
And so, you turn the page.